Is it too high, is it too little or just right? Who’s to say? How will you be able to gauge the severity and whether or not your sex drive is alive and kicking?
Libido (sex drive) is not something that is stable for every single person. It goes up and down and varies from person to person, from partner to partner and from time to time.
I’m sure you’ve come across the stereotypical scenario where people describe teenagers to be overly sexually excited due to their raging hormones. But, the reality is that sex drive is something personal.
It’s personal and highly variable. Meaning, different situations in life will be affected such as stress, anxiety, health issues, age and relationship issues, etc. in fact, the list is endless, and we would be here all day if we were to try to exhaust it by enumerating all the possible causes.
So how do you know if your libido and sex drive is at or within the normal range given your current circumstances? Well, that’s a difficult question, and there is no right or wrong answer and definitely no definitive answer. But let’s investigate so you can understand it better to engage a more accurate picture of yourself…
What Is Normal Libido?
Does that word even make sense?
Nothing is normal in this world and also if it were, normal for me would be entirely different for you. Instead, we should be referring to it as baseline libido according to Dr. Ian Kerner who is a sex therapist and New York Times best-selling author.
He also states that it could be perfectly reasonable for one person to desire sex two times a day and another person, (let’s say an asexual person) to be utterly uninterested in sex with zero libido.
What becomes alarming is when there is a considerable deviation from the baseline. This is a deviation that will be something which is unique to you and will only be a concern if you are affected by it. And we can even include if your partner is affected by it too because that would also impact upon you.
Emily Morse, sex and relationship coach, states that she comes across couples with highly mismatched libidos more often than you’d think. She reiterates what Dr. Ian Kerner said, that desire is unique and that there is no such thing as normal.
If you are experiencing drastic changes in your libido whether up or down; some things could be affecting it and making it do this.
If you are experiencing episodes of low libido which is generally a strong sense of disinterest in sex, then some factors may be causing this. There is a whole heap of different elements; some may be unique to you and others more loosely related to your issue. However, they all affect each and every one of us differently.
Causes Of Low Libido In Men
Different conditions, whether isolated, communicative or in conjunction may coagulate together to suppress desire and drop it so low to the point of nonexistence. Conditions may be medical or psychological or anything in between.
Severe medical illnesses such as cancer or diseases which have a morbid prognosis can understandably kill your libido as the desire for sex will hardly be at the forefront of your mind.
But, in most cases, it’s the psychological conditions that are more commonly the culprits for sapping and diminishing this sex drive.
One of the most common causes of low libido in men is depression and anxiety. Ironically the medication that is issued to give to such patients to treat depression and anxiety are SSRIs. SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) side effect is decreased libido. This is well known, and the results of reduced libido are far worse than other medications.
Stress, of all forms, is another major contributor to low libido in men. Doctors state that when they ask patients who are suffering from a lack of libido of any complaints it is generally the same four or five conditions every time, consistently. They are depression, stress, performance anxiety, low self-esteem, and confidence.
It seems unfair because hormones get blamed for pretty much everything. It’s not their fault though really is it? Considering they are just trying to do their jobs just like you and me. There is a significant amount of research that indicates that testosterone levels will affect libido levels in men. Similarly, there is research that suggests that androgen hormone levels, as well as others, play a role in female libido levels.
But, with regards to women and libido, the evidence is not conclusive, but the research is only somewhat indicative. However, in the case of men, it is much more clear-cut. The link between low testosterone levels AND libido is established.
As a famous comedian once said, that guys worry that marriage equals that they will inevitably only be able to have sex with one woman for the rest of their lives. He stated that this is a twisted fantasy because in reality marriage means that you will sleep with zero women.
The point is that if you’re suffering from a lack of libido, it could affect your relationship. Or even a rocky relationship could have an impact on your libido in the first place.
Pretty much any negative consequences that have a bearing on a relationship could result in lessening your libido levels. These adverse effects could be things outside of your control or problems which incrementally become bigger and bigger because the man never bothered to rectify them and squash them at the first instance of them coming to light.
Poor communication, boredom, loss of trust, anger or even death of loved ones are common culprits that cause relationship issues.
Sometimes life can get in the way, that’s just the way life is. Becoming too busy with work, fatigue, too much to do in such little time, etc. Are you already planning tomorrow’s nap?
Even having a baby can lead you to become overworked and is a lifestyle factor which could increase the susceptibility to losing your libido. It will be tricky to slotting succession in your day when you’re juiced up on coffee from three hours of sleep from the night before with a nappy sack in your hand.
High libido is something that you will have all experienced during your pubescent years. Do you remember sitting in your English lesson listening to your teacher talk about alliteration’s and metaphors with a rock hard penis in your pants under the desk because you caught a glimpse of Sarah’s ankle?
High libido is what is to result in you being overly sexually excited and always thinking about sex and continually getting aroused and erect over the slightest sexual stimuli.
Having a high libido isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can become an issue if it is excessive. Extremely elevated levels of libido and hypersexuality can lead to problems such as porn addiction, compulsive sexual behavior, and even other issues outside of sex.
Similarly, with having no libido, there are specific factors and things which can exasperate matters and make them worse.
Causes Of High Libido In Men
The honeymoon period when you’re always getting it on with your new found significant other isn’t a psychological issue. Even though, some of your friends may argue that they have been feeling left out because you’re spending all your time with her instead of them.
But there are real mental disorders that result in you prioritizing sex over everything else even in times when sex should be the last thing on your list. Some doctors argue that regarding stress and anxiety people resort to sex as a form of self-medication. Some use it to take their mind off other problems they may have been having or to compensate for low self-esteem or confidence.
An abnormally high sexual desire could be classified as a psychological condition called hypersexual disorder. That’s the name that they’ve given it but is not yet an official disorder as of yet.
Such a person has very intense thoughts and fantasies and importance attached to sex, this unhealthy frame of mind eventually affects other aspects of their lives. Let’s put it into perspective for you, so you understand: fantasizing about that cute new girl that just started working at your place is pretty standard, right?
But, risking the disciplinary meeting for skipping work so you could jerk off over some random girl on Omegle for 3 hours indicates that something is not quite right here.
As we mentioned before, certain medications such as SSRIs can play havoc and cause low libido. On the other hand, there are also drugs which will increase libido levels and skyrocket them to abnormally high concentrations. The majority of the ones which increase libido are stimulants such as caffeine, ecstasy, cocaine and crystal meth, just to name a few.
There are other drugs known as substituted cathinone which works by stimulating central nervous system function giving users the feeling of connection, kindness, boosting energy and increase contact.
How To Balance Your Libido
1. Be Inquisitive
Try to be honest with yourself and investigate whether or not you have deviated from your baseline libido level. Only you know this because it’s your body, so you will have to be honest with yourself.
Has your libido begun to cause detrimental effects on other aspects of your life? Is it ruining relationships or making you unhappy?
This is a lot easier to see if you’re in a relationship because you can ask your partner how she may feel about it. Sometimes you may not notice that a problem exists, but she can point it out.
If your partner doesn’t have any qualms regarding how frequently you may want sex, then it is highly likely that you do not have any libido issues.
If you are finding it difficult to become aroused, then you may want to take matters into your own hands and try to entice yourself to see whether or not the fire is still there. You could try jelqing, edging by hand or by using the fleshlight.
Also, definitely try to focus more on your partner and her body, try to make her feel pleasure, maybe by increasing foreplay, talking dirty and asking her what she likes. I find that by making her feel good, it actually turns me on just by looking at her sex face.
Try to do some exercise (not just penis exercises such as the ones outlined in Penis Enlargement Bible, Penis Enlargement Remedy or Penis Advantage), instead just general workouts for your whole body. Exercise in itself releases feelings of friskiness.
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Try to do something fun and spontaneous or even schedule a particular time to have sex. It sounds like the exact opposite of doing something spontaneous, but sometimes it works because of the anticipation. You get yourself in the right frame of mind to be expecting to have sex.
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ExtenZe is fast acting, and you can use it half an hour before having sex, but the other three mentioned, you should take consistently, and you will begin to notice a change in your libido over the span of a few days. Your libido will return to normal (or should we say baseline)of when you were a teenager.
Having a high libido does not necessarily pose any problems or implications. The only reason it may become a nuisance is if there is a mismatch between yours and your partner’s libido levels. Usually, this mismatch would have to be at the opposite ends of the spectrum for it to cause a problem.
If your overly high libido level is due to a mismatch, then the best thing to do is to communicate with your partner and come to some sort of compromise. If however, it’s due to sexual compulsion or addiction you will need to seek medical assistance from a professional.
In most cases, having high libido is not a problem as your partner will just come accustomed and used to it. In fact, it’s quite a turn-on for women when their partner has a hunger for sex – it shows virility and sexual prowess.